Devil's road

(River Island pants, vintage Versace blazer, vintage shirt, New Look booties, Stradivarius cuffs, H&M rings, thrifted bag and vintage Louis Feraud head scarf)

EN: So a few days ago I was heading home wearing this. I had my arms full of grocery bags, my feet were killing me after a looooong day of running errands (not that these shoes aren’t comfortable, they are! It’s just that I walked a lot), I still had some things to do and I couldn’t wait to get home. Anyway, as I was walking, my phone started to ring. I stopped, put the bags down and began searching frantically for my phone. Of course that by the time I’ve got it out of my bag, the phone had already stopped ringing and I was cursing so loud that people were staring at me. Lovely. I love it when people stare, don’t you?
I wasn’t familiar with the phone number so I didn’t pay too much attention to that call and started walking again. 2 minutes later the phone started to ring again. “Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn you!!!!!!!!!! Now what?!?!” This time I answered. I actually screamed a big fat “WHAT?!?!” instead of “hello” and I was surprised to notice that my mother didn’t go deaf from that. She suggested some Xanax though. Then she asked me if she should make an appointment with a psychiatrist that she knew.
Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny.
We started talking, she told me about her day, I told her about my almost dead feet and then she asked me what I was wearing.
“But what are you wearing, dear?”
“Some black booties”
“I got that, what else?”
“Uhm, those dropped crotch pants you hate, a green pussy bow shirt, the yellow printed blazer and a polka dot printed scarf”
“Are you sure about that Xanax?”

Oh, and just for the record, i swear that i received this e-mail this morning. (zoom to see better)

Ok, that’s it. And you guys thought I was interesting.

RO: Acum cateva zile, imbracata asa, ma duceam spre casa. Coplesita de sarsanale cu d’ale gurii, picioarele ma dureau in draci dupa o zi intreaga de alergatura (nu ca n-ar fi botinele astea comode, chiar sunt comode! doar ca am mers eu mult atunci), mai aveam niste chestii de rezolvat si abia asteptam sa ajung acasa in patul meu incomod din Bucuresti. Si cum mergeam eu asa, incepe sa sune telefonul. Draci. Ma opresc, pun sacosele jos si incep sa caut disperata telefonul prin geanta in care nu gasesc niciodata nimic. Trec 3 secole, il gasesc pana la urma si bineinteles ca se opreste din sunat. Ma enervez si incep sa zic de sfinti si de morti atat de tare ca lumea incepe sa se holbeze la mine. Minunat. Imi place mult cand lumea se holbeaza, voua nu? Nu cunosteam numarul care ma sunase, asa ca n-am acordat prea multa atentie, mi-am ridicat bagajele si am inceput sa merg iar. Trec 2 minute si iar incepe sa sune. “Manca-te-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar cioriliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!! Acuma cine dracu mai e?” De data asta am ajuns in timp util la telefon si am raspuns. N-am zis “alo” bineinteles, ci un mare si gras “CE?!?!” care, spre surprinderea mea, n-a lasat-o surda pe viata pe maica mea. Ea era :-w A zis sa iau niste Xanax sa ma calmez. Sau macar o programare la psihiatru. Cunoaste ea pe cineva, a zis ca ma rezolva cu o programare.
Ha. Ha. Ha. Foarte amuzant.
Am inceput sa vorbim, mi-a povestit ce-a facut in ziua aia, eu am inceput sa vociferez ca ma dor picioarele iar ea m-a intrebat cu ce sunt imbracata, incaltata.
“Da’ ce-ai pe tine, draga?”
“Botinele alea negre”
“Am inteles asta, ce altceva?”
“Pai, pantalonii aia cu turul lasat de nu-ti plac tie si-mi spui ca am facut pe mine, o camasa verde cu funda mare la gat, sacoul cu imprimeu galben si o esarfa cu buline pe cap”.
“Aha…si esti sigura ca nu vrei Xanaxu’ ala?”

Ok, gata. Si voi care credeati ca sunt interesanta.
Data viitoare, Kant. O ardem filosofic, promit.